Harry Potter and the Adventure of Those with Looks
by The Marauders from Down Under
Summary: This is a Harry Potter story written by four teenage girls during science... We insult Harry whenever possible and praise the Weasley Twins and their fearless leader,the one and only Draco Malfoy, whilst Wormtail tries to defend Harry's ugly mug :P
1. Rules

**RULES**

The Weasley twins cannot be sent to Azkaban as of page 35.

Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, the Mysterious Blonde and the Weasley twins cannot die. Anyone that kills them forfeits two turns.

You cannot edit anyone else's work, only your own.

Keep to the colour assigned to you (Moony: grey/pencil, Wormtail: blue, Padfoot: red, Prongs: black).

If you are the lucky Marauder who gets to take this file home, PLEASE type up at least one page, but as many as possible! (Verdana, bold, size 12).

Some form of the words 'I can't get no' must be included in every chapter. The chapter cannot end until these words have been included.

Randoms must have a unique code name, and write in green (or write in pen and get highlighted in green).

The 'Weasley is Our King' song shall be included in the final chapter.

No celebrity or anyone other than a character created by J.K. Rowling may be included in the story.

Wormtail can't make rules!

**Rules that aren't enforced very strictly, but (believe it or not)still exist**

No more than four lines at a time.

**and more to come **


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

OMG Harry it's Lord Voldemort! Quick attack him before someone steals your glory!(Moony)

"C'mon Draco" Hermione whined "Let's get out of here"(Prongs)

"Get away you mudblood, unlike Harry Potter I can get action from better things"

"I can't get no!" sings Harry(Moony)

"Yes Harry you can get some from me!" says the gorgeous, attractive Ginny. "And at least you don't need someone to do your dirty work for you unlike Malfoy!"(Wormtail)

"At least I don't need to watch other people for 'experience'!" says Malfoy "and I'm not a paedophile!"

"It's true!" screams Harry "…I'm a sad, lonely loser who preys on little girls and boys!" (Padfoot)

"Ron tell them it's not true" whined Hermione. Ron shrugged. "He's going out with my sister, do you really think I'm okay with that?"

"Harry see you are a sicko!" Malfoy laughed.

"Oh my god Draco I love you" says Ginny and runs off.(Fang)

"Ginny O Ginny, my one true love!" says the extremely sad and pathetic Harry "why not live on the run with me when you can live a life of wonder and comfort with him" Harry says jerking a thumb at the handsome Draco.(Prongs)

"Get away from me Harry, I don't want a boy. I want a man. I want you Draco. TAKE ME NOW YOU BAD MAN!"

Harry starts crying.(Moony)

"I'm not a man, I'm only a boy, only a boy" Malfoy squealed pathetically across the common room.

"Are you sure you're a boy Malfoy?" inquired Harry noting Malfoy's girlish squeal.(Wormtail)

"Yes I'm sure! Just because Pansy Parkinson revealed you're a trannie, it doesn't mean you have to bring me down with you!" said Malfoy. Hermione and Ron stared in horror…

"You're a chick!" they screamed in unison

"It's true" wailed Harry as he ran off crying (Padfoot)

yay chapter 1- hope you enjoyed it…it can only get better from here!

Lots of love Prongs


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Harry ran to the secret 'boys' (transvestite girls) bathroom that only he and Moaning Myrtle knew about.

"All I wanted was to be normal" he sobbed to Myrtle, his secret lover of 4 years. "All I wanted was to feel appreciated and know what its like to have real friends"

"Well you do have me" added Myrtle a little suggestively "Now that I'm the only person who likes you maybe we could…"

"NO!" Harry yelled "Just because I can't get no human lovin doesn't mean I have to put up with second best"

"Fine then. Be like that" wailed Myrtle as she dived head first with a back tuck triple somersault into the toilet bowl where she resided in the u-bend to be heard crying and sobbing. (Prongs)

Meanwhile in the Slytherin Common Room

"Draco, Draco I beg you! Please give me some pointers on how to be an A class lover" moaned Harry

"Oh Harry, my little inferior child, you and Ron have to learn to do it on your on"

Harry burst into tears "Myrtles left me, now Ro will. Oh great Master Draco who is too hot for words, teach me the oh gracious ways. You are my sweet child 'o' mine"

(Sorry had to put guns 'n' roses in there- love Moony)

"Please Harry, get up from your knees. I unlike you, am not gay. Girls swoon at my feet because of my seductive charm. We aren't born, we're made. OMG look Potter, photographers, flash them your scar."

Harry flashes scar (Moony)

So as Harry flashed his scar, Malfoy pulled down his pants and FLASHED SOMETHING ELSE! The Daily Prophet never sold so many copies! (Fang)

Harry left the dormitory, a unmistakable smirk spread widely across his face.

'Hmph' he thought to himself, 'I fooled him, I did exactly as Dumbledore asked'

Harry thought intently about what Dumbledore had told him to do.

'Make Malfoy think you're a transvestite' Dumbledore had said. 'Allow him to think you are at this mercy'

'Why?' Harry had asked suspiciously

'It's all part of the master plan I have, the one that will save your life' Dumbledore replied firmly.

Oh how hot you are

My Draco!

You're too hot for me

My Draco!

Oh I sit alone and wonder

Why…why aren't you mine?

All the girls crave you

But I want to save you

From them oooh.

And Harry breaks into song, leaning against the cold stone walls of the deserted castle, with a pink carnation in his hand. (Hedwig)


	4. Chapter 3

Thank you all for your reviews though we will need a few more before we put the next couple of chapters up. We have written up to chapter 12 but we need some motivation (reviews) before we put more up. Sorry if the story doesn't make sense but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Thanks a billion,

Prongs

Chapter 3

Harry makes his way towards the Slytherin Common Room, with his pink carnation, searching for Draco.

"Oh how hot you are my Draco!" he continues to sing, as he passes Neville and Professor Sprout going into the janitor's closet. Harry bumps into Goyle and threatens him with gay sexual actions.

"Abra, Abra, Kedabra. I wanna reach out and grab ya!"

"Thank you Goyle" Harry repeats the password to the portrait and he enters the Slytherin common room.

"Draco, my on true love!" Harry grabs Draco and thrusts him against the wall.

Draco's expression is one of pure revulsion.

"GET OFF ME YOU FAIRY!" Draco punches Harry in the face giving him a blood nose. (That's an improvement)

"But I love you!" Harry cries and runs out in disbelief. "I have no reason to live" he says making his way to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. "I can't get no!" he screams. –Padfoot

"Myrtle, oh Myrtle" Harry whispered into the deserted bathroom "Please come and talk to me"

"NO!" she screamed and started throwing waves of water and lost items after him "And don't come back!"

Harry hastily ran towards the headmaster's office for his nightly talk with Dumbledore's portrait. – Prongs

"Welcome Harry" Dumbledore murmured

"Dumbledore help me! No one likes me. I can't get shagged like Draco Malfoy can and I realized I'm…I'm…I'm UGLY"

"The truth hurts Harry, the truth hurts" –Moony

Harry stared at Dumbledore's portrait, not in disbelief.

"I know…it must be true!" Harry sulked back to his dormitory, got his swimming trunks out of his trunks and decided to go for a swim in the lake.-Padfoot

He dived into the cool water and saw the giant squid go into hiding. He swam after it. As Harry approached the deep dark hole, his 'man parts' (if he has any) started to squirm in hi swimming trunks.

"Where's that big hunk of squid gone?" Harry thought to himself. Then he saw it, out of the corner of his eye. He swam as fast as he could towards it, needing some comfort after discovering how blatantly obvious his ugliness is. He found the squid and managed to force himself onto the poor, defenseless giant squid, which was squirming, trying to get away. Once the sick and disgusting (and emotionally retarded, or disturbed- you may decided which to use) Harry had finished his gay and sadistic ways, he made his way to the surface, only then realizing that he must be a mutant, as he had not taken a breath on five minutes. Feeling rather pleased with himself, Harry made his way to the boy's dormitories to have copious amounts of dreams about a giant squid.- Padfoot

Thanks again

Prongs


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Harry decided to take a walk around the grounds to visit his 'close friend' the giant squid. As he was walking, he bumped into Crabbe and Goyle who were hiding something from his view so that he couldn't see it. –Hedwig

"Hello chums" Harry said

"What do you want?" they mumbled

"Oh just to know… hey why is your hair blonde and curly? Bad tinting job or are you just trying to look like the ever so handsome Draco."

Suddenly the two forms changed shape and rearranged themselves as…

"Parvati and Lavender!" Harry shouted, "What are you doing in Crabbe and Goyle's bodies?"  
"Um Harry, we're sorry that you have a crush on Draco but you see, we were trying to get closer to him and maybe even get to know him better. This is all because we can't get no!"  
"What?" Harry exploded. "You knew I liked him yet you pursued him none the less. You are friends of mine no more. Good day!"

"But Harry…" they protested

"I said good day!" he yelled as he dove into the lake for another intimate meeting with the giant squid.


	6. Chapter 5

Hey guys!

Were back again. Wow the third chapter in 2 days. I can hear you rejoicing from here in Oz! Ok I promise the rest of the story is sooooo much better than these first few chapters. We Marauders have decided that until we get a minimum of 5 more reviews, we will not be posting anymore chapters. We have already written up to chapter 15 but it is up to you guys if you want more. Bring on the reviews.

Lots of Love,

Prongs

Chapter 5

Harry makes his way back to the dormitory.

"Harry" yelled Draco-Moony

Harry, hearing his beloved's voice, quickly swiveled his head in Draco's direction. "Yes Draco my love, I am here for your every beck and call"

"Yes, about that" Draco sneered "I want you to run a little errand for me"

"Oh yes please" Harry said gleefully "Your wish is my command" (Ok open ending here. Sorry I went over the limit but you guys didn't have any better ideas-Prongs)

**Later on**

Harry lay on his bed, reminiscing what Draco wanted him to do. He would have to do it in secret and tomorrow.

"I need the room of requirements!" he thought.-Padfoot

Suddenly a door appeared. Harry opened it and stepped into Madison Square Gardens.

"Wow" Harry gasped. Now the reason Harry was in Madison Square Gardens was to go get some cheap hookers for Draco's 18th and coming of age party.

"Excuse me" Harry said to a young lady. "Where can I get some good, cheap hookers?"

"Yuk you little perve, go back to pre school!" she screeched at him. Everyone turned around.

"Arry, Arry!" yelled Fleur Delacour.-Moony and Prongs

"What are you doing here?" Harry asked "Where's Bill?"

"I am work-" Fleur stopped mid-sentence "Bill is working"

"Oh…well…do you know where to find cheap hookers? Just between you and me" asked Harry.

Fleur pointed at a woman about 10 metres away.

"That's Courtney. She's really sleazy. Good bye Arry!" she said and ran off.

"That was odd…"-Padfoot

"Hi, ummm Courtney, I'm Harry Pot-"

"I know who you are" Courtney replied "Wanna do it?"

"Excuse me?" asked Harry "Are you sure you want to touch me?"

"Well no, but these are the bad, horrible, disgusting, disturbing parts of my job" Courtney replied.-Moony

"I'm sorry you must be mistaken. I'm here on behalf of my hot friend, you may have heard of him. His name is Draco Malfoy."

"Oh yes I know of Draco, I mean he shouldn't need a hookers with all of those girls fawning over him"-Prongs

"Well Malfoy can't get not at the moment" Harry exclaimed

"Really?" inquired the hooker, Courtney.

"Oh yes, he's quite lonely and pathetic at the moment" Harry stated. "Wallowing in his own misfortunes" Harry laughed as he thought of the loner Malfoy. "And he's not the only one who can't get no!" Harry said, a sense of mystery left hanging in the air at this words.

"Who else?" asked Courtney curiously.

"The Weasley twins, Fred and George" Harry answered dramatically

"Yeah but were they ever able to get some!" Courtney asked.

"No I suppose not" Harry said as he walked off, his hair falling to the side of his angelic face to reveal his handsome and extremely masculine features which allowed his face to seem as if it were carved by an angel.-Wormtail (coughspluttercoughoh how it pains me to type thisgag)(Sorry guys. I know what I have written in 17 lines, but considering I missed out on 3 turns and I also supplied the paper this was written on, I think the length of my insert can be justified. Thanks for your understanding. Love Wormtail)

(Please excuse Padfoot while she pukes all over Wormy's description of Harry Pothead-Padfoot)

(A note from Moony: Wormtail will DIE DIE DIE! It's not cool to attack the innocent ie. The Weasley Twins! Talk about hitting below the belt! Now to attack! Actually I shall let Prongs take it from here. Go for it Prongs, you defend those Weasleys! And Malfoy too! Love Moony)

What Harry didn't know about the Weasley twins was that they had been the ones to seduce all of Harry's past crushes (no, he has never had a real girlfriend) and turn them against Harry, and worship the oh mighty Draco (which isn't too hard once they see Harry's ugly mug!) The twins were Draco's secret agents, working in the castle to get all of the information essential in one's quest for complete world domination.

(TAKE THAT WORMY AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS! Love Prongs)


	7. Chapter 6

We fear that our time is drawing to a close. We have written up to Chapter 16 and will post it all but this story is almost officially over. You see 3 of us Marauders failed our Chemistry test and bloody Wormtail got 96. Prongs got 26 and Padfoot and Moony got 28. Needless to say we have been separated for the last two weeks before our exam. Yes we also only have two weeks until we become year 11's. YAY!

We plan to either continue the story until we start school next year (February) then end it and start a sequel. Or we could end it now and start the sequel this summer (December). It is your choice as this story is for your enjoyment. We want your opinion because it does count. Oh and by the way any of you that have msn add me (Prongs) because I need someone to talk to.

On with the Harry attacking and the Draco worshipping!

MORE REVIEWS PLEASE!

Chapter 6

As Harry made his way back to the castle, with Courtney's business card (her g-string) in his pocket, he bumped into the one and only Colin Creevy. He was showing a file to Professor Snape.

"This one's only nine years old" said Colin.

Harry peered over and became sexually aroused by pornographic photos. Suddenly Draco came round the corner.

"Oi Potter, how'd you go?" Draco said as he brushed his blonde hair out of his eye, revealing a warm grey eye. He smiled, flashing bright white teeth, his muscles smooth all over his sexy body. –Padfoot and Moony (A note from Moony: OMG I think I'm gonna faint! That's the hottest image ever! swoon)

At that very moment, Fred and George (oh how I love them!) raced around the corner and stopped suddenly in front of Draco.

"Where have you been?" Draco enquired "I needed you half an hour ago!"

"We were just with Katie Bell and Angelina Johnson. When we heard you needed us we came running"

(Sorry 4.5 lines. I'm so shameful!  Prongs)

(Padfoot doesn't quite get the last insert and is establishing what may become a permanent case of writer's block. She is forced to –once again- forfeit her turn and hand writing over to Moony)

(Moony is in a different world right now, I'm in my fantasy. DO NOT DISTURB! I forfeit my turn)

"Well seeing as you were just doing a duty I will forgive you. But just this once"

"Oh thank you master Draco who is all that is hot and handsome. What can we do to repay you?"

"Well you could start by organising my 18th birthday party. I think a _Rocky Horror _theme is to be in order. You see 'I'm not much of a man by the light of day but by night I'm one hell of a lover' hahaha 'Don't get strung out by the way I look coz you know I'm the complete package"

Ladies flock to his sides

Harry says "I've been crushin' on a man with blonde hair and a tan (not!) and he's good for relieving some tension"

"What the fuck are you saying you pansy? There's no way I'd ever love you let alone be caught in the same room. Fred, George, girls…we're leaving!"

Draco exits, slamming door

(Prongs again…only coz every on else is learning!)

As Draco left the room Harry thought 'He's falling for it, he believes me. Dumbledore will be soooooo pleased!'

Harry exited the room, his deep green eyes shining handsomely through the dark passage.

(He's so gorgeous!-Wormtail)

(can't believe I'm typing this! Prongs)

(Lies make Baby Jesus cry- Moony)

(Lies? What Lies?-Wormtail)

(Harry Potter's face makes Baby Jesus cry. "Where did I go wrong?" he screams. –Moony)

(Draco Malfoy's face makes Baby Jesus go into an all famous 'Moony Trance'- Padfoot)

As Harry rushed down the corridor a painting of Baby Jesus stabbed him. Bleeding profusely from his groin ( Jesus is short) he was attacked by a vicious animal. (Fang)

And so, the dog (a.k.a. vicious animal a.k.a squid's husband) proceeded to give Harry diseases which must not be named. It was the least he could do for such a good friend. P.S. the squid is pregnant (and they might be Harry's) (Fang again)

(Padfoot is yet again stuck for ideas and is forfeiting her turn AGAIN! What's happening to me! She also could not bear to save Harry Potter's life-Padfoot)

Suddenly, Draco rounded the corner and wrestled the dog to death, saving Harry from death.

"Draco…you…you…you saved me"

Draco shrugged his shoulders "No big loss…it didn't work anyway!"

(ok Prongs has no idea what Moony and Padfoot are talking about so we'll just keep going shall we?)

(Moony and Padfoot)

He was still diseased.

"Um Harry…"

"Yes!"

"What? I didn't ask anything!"

"Oh, yeah righte…"

"Well I think I might sort of love Hermione" Draco shrugged "Could you help me?"

Harry burst into tears.(Fang)

"Of course not you thief, she's mine!" Harry screeched.

"Not anymore toots" Draco replied "she's already waiting to 'tutor' me in the room of requirement. I'd better get going or she might settle for second best. You know her-even you would do she's that desperate."(Prongs)

Suddenly Harry broke into song. "Ain't I rough enough, ohhh ain't I rich enough, ohhh ain't I hard enough? I'll never be your beast of burden, I walk a mile, my feet are hurting" (For all of those naïve people that song is 'Beast of Burden' by the _Rolling Stones_. Good song, good song. I KNOW IT'S ONLY ROCK N ROLL BUT I LIKE IT!- Moony)

Harry watched as Draco entered the Room of Requirement.

"Hermione no!" screamed the desperate and disgusting Harry. "I love you! What about poor little me!"

Draco smirked as he closed the door behind him

Inside the Room of Requirement sat Hermione with a questioning look on her face

"What did Harry want?" she asked, sitting down on the king size, satin-sheeted bed.

"He professed his love for you, but that doesn't matter does it?"

"Of course not. I'm yours for ever right?" (Prongs)

"Wow" gasped Hermione after 22 hours of passion "That was fantastic!"

Draco smirked. "Oh I know I am the god of sex after all. The only annoying thing was the noise Harry was making outside. Something about not…(ok, ran out of room and ideas. Padfoot please finish! Ha! Draco can last 22 hours, Harry can last 22 seconds! Hehe love Moony)

(Harry would be lucky to last 22 seconds…lol…it's more like 2.2 seconds!- Padfoot) "Something about not having a brain…and I think he sais 'I can't get no!' which is probably true!"

Hermione giggled. "Oh you bad, bad man! Shut up and come here!" She yelled as they got back into the satin sheets.

(Poor Draco- Padfoot)

Ok we may not be back until the 1st of December as we have exams and I am currently sneaking computer usage while my parents are out (they think I'm studying…FAT CHANCE!) I promise I will post up to Chapter 10 by the 4th of December.

Lots of Love

Prongs and the Marauders


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